It’s time for making your mind up as nations short on pop pedigree select ditties purely for our amusement at May’s Eurovision Song Contest. Previews suggest a Greek tragedy caused recent unrest in Athens and that Iceland should have stuck with Kerry Katona. Turkey? A right turkey! Should we feel smug? Not while UK hopes rest on a chap with the charisma of a courgette performing dire Stock (no Aitken) and Waterman dinosaur Sounds Good To Me - but not to anyone south of Dover, I bet. It’s payback time as Eastern Europe gets to punish us for inflicting Waterman protegées Sonia, Sinitta et al on them, their canon employed by KGB interrogators to break refuseniks, apparently. Meanwhile, Russia has rejected Eurovision gold in not adopting Buranovskiye Babushki. Sung by six gummy, gurning grannies - think Loose Women of Leningrad - watch it on YouTube and weep for what might have been.
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