The Sound of Musicals

The aptly entitled Les Misérables - highlight: its revolving set breaking down - was the soul-sapping experience that spawned my hatred of the type of mass-market musicals - beloved of the charabanc trade and polyester-clad tourists from Hell - that increasingly dominate Theatreland. If Ibsen or Brecht hoped to get a look in nowadays, they’d need to bung in a few cheesy crowd pleasers and pray high-kicking Dames Judi, Maggie and Diana would razzle-dazzle ‘em in sequins and Lycra. Sister Act; Wicked; Dreamboats and Petticoats; you couldn’t bribe me to sit through them, let alone prize sixty quid out of me for the dubious privilege. News that Coronation Street is to be turned into a musical surely represents a new nadir for the genre: ‘How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?’ yodels madman Tony Gordon as he escapes jail intent on murdering the show’s hairdressing heroine, his estranged fiancée. Mamma Mia!